notes on a dirty napkin: | physician heal thyself...

some people become reflective...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:51:00 -0500

So, lately, I have had to listen to Eric B. complain that he has finally reached that age where the celebrities of your youth are dropping right along with the people around you, the people you once knew and the people you wish you still did. As Mr. B is fond of pointing out, I am not a very sentimental chap, except perhaps when I think of historic juntas or particularly bloody police actions, however, I can still understand what it means to watch friends, loved ones and associates rejoin the dirt that makes us common. So I thought today, along with my usual socio-cultural observations, I might post one of the few things that, somehow, Eric B. and I share a common soft spot for, but first...

The 10 commandments of punk guitar

Along with Greg Hetson, Brian Baker (the two fellows on the far left of the picture above), compiled a list of 10 commandments of punk guitar. Although we (and probably you) do not agree with them all we found some to be true and some to be amusing so we figured we would share and let you make up your own mind. They are as follows:

1. Treat your guitar like shit and it will respect you.

2. To get that mean fuckin' low end and still retain some highs in your sound, use only Gibson guitars. SG's and Les Pauls are the ultimate punk rock tools.

3. Use only down-strokes, down-strokes are the key to unlocking all punk rhythms.

4. Plaster your guitars with stickers to prove that you're an individual. Remember, being uncool is cool, so one Van Halen is worth three Sex Pistols stickers.

5. The Marshall JMP 100-Watt master volume head is the Holy Grail of amps. Other people get all hot and bothered about what kind of speakers and cabinets they use, but that's all bullshit. You can plug the JMP into virtually anything and it's going to sound wonderful.

6. No open tunings. Grunge is not punk rock.

7. Don't be self-indulgent. Limit your guitar solos to eight bars or less. Otherwise, you're playing metal.

8. Never, ever play a show with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. It's incredibly painful when a stage diver pushes off your face and smashes the red-hot cherry into your cheek.

9. It may be punk to be fucked up at your day job, but when you take the stage you should be straight. It's hard to play music with intensity and speed when you're drunk.

10. Do not stack Marshall cabinets, that's not punk, it's arena rock. The Ramones are the only band exempted from this rule.

Of course, we don't need to tell you, it's punk to hate commandments and laws so fuck this crap anyway!

Next we have, for your comic amusement the infamous Negativland causes kids to murder their family newscast!

Negativland, one of our favorite purveyors of cultural commentary, invented some fake news about how a midwestern teen, apparently influenced by an argument over their song "Christianity Is Stupid", murdered his entire family. Well, as lazy journalists will do, a local bay-area news station picked up the story without bothering to check its validity which in turn caused a bit of a stir - kind of funny and also kind of scary when you think about it. Here, for your amusement, is that news cast...

Negativland - Helter Stupid Newscast

Now, somehow, this next video/track, also by Negativland, manages to touch both Eric B. and myself on an emotional level. Now, I don't need to tell you how much this troubles me but, it is what it is, as Eric says so we thought we might put it up to see if others got this as well or if it's just a case of two deeply disturbed individuals feeling something that just isn't there. The track come from the record "Dispepsi" so if you like it, check out the rest!

Negativland - Aluminum or Glass

Finally, to bring this installment to a very comic end we give you this video by German superstar recording artist, Heino. We don't know what the song is about and we don't know a ton about the man, however, since we first heard of him while listening to the Dead Kennedy's recording "A Skateboard Party", we have found this guy utterly, fascinating, repulsive, surreal and hypnotic. Notice the bizarre resemblance to Andy Warhol. Coincidence? We shall let you decide...

Heino - Blau Bluht der Enzian

Well, that's it for this installment, imperialist lack...er...I mean friends, join us again soon when I will bring you more of the absurdities that is unpopular culture!

Lam Yam-Ying

adventures in unpop-culture!

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:37:09 -0500

Hello out there! This time around we thought it would be fun to share some wisdom and fun from the world of pop-culture, who says America has no history to draw upon? We may be a new country but we have been very busy little babies! Todays submission is chock full o fun so be sure to stick around for the whole show!

This time around we start with some words of wisdom for the guitar player from the musical sage Don Van Vliet, otherwise known as Captain Beefheart. I found these posted at WFMU and I'm sure they have been posted many times before but we thought they were great and wanted to make sure that our friends saw them so we have brought them hear for your to consume on your quest for guitar diety status!

Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing

Beefheart 1. Listen to the birds.

That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod

Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. Practice in front of a bush

Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. Walk with the devil

Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out

If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. Never point your guitar at anyone

Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. Always carry a church key

That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.

8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument

You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place

When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine

Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

Next we have a movie trailer for a film forgotten by many but loved by millions and featuring none other than that buxom babe of the b-movie set, Tura Satana. Immortalized in NJ horror/camp outfit The Misfits song of the same name, Astro Zombies!

Astro Zombies Trailer

Moving along, we wanted to do a couple of tributes to a couple of bands that are no longer with us that have had a profound affect on our music.

First off, this short lived Michigan band was so cool I don't even want to try to give them too much of an explanation. They are not a huge influence on what we do directly but rather how we listen to music and our attitudes about creating it. In our opinion the infamous Michigan garage scene would not have existed without: The Gories!

L to R: Mick Collins, Margaret Ann "Peggy" O'Neill, Dan Kroha.

Video of one of our favorite Gories Tunes - Thunderbird ESQ

A song about a real drive -in diner that still exists in Ypsi - Chick-Inn

Finally we get to the crux of the biscuit! Certainly one of the biggest musical influences on Eric B. and Lam-Yam Ying over the past 20 or more odd years (yes we are old!) are the indescribable Sun City Girls! Founded in the punk rock scene of 1980's Phoenix, AZ the Sun City Girls have for years created some of the most amazing and perplexing music to come round the bend. Sadly with the untimely 2007 death of Charles Gocher, the Sun City Girls are no more but the Bishops are still churning out unique and creative music for those of us left in this world to enjoy.

L to R: Sir Richard Bishop, Charles Gocher, Alan Bishop.

Video featuring the late Charles Gocher - Cloaven Theater

One of our favorite tracks from the first full length SCG release - Uncle Jim

We hope you have enjoyed this most recent installment of "notes on a dirty napkin" please do check back soon to see what goodies we bring you from the land of plenty and beyond!

more destinations for your consideration:

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 09:32:17 -0500

OK so we thought it might be nice to share with you more of the absurdities we have found in the collection of tubes we like to call the world wide interhighway. Some of this stuff you may have seen and some of it, maybe not but we thought they were worth a peak so explore as you will (or won't - it doesn't matter):

First off, Eric just found this image today and thought it was funny:

Indeed - we'd like to know how much truth there is in THAT statement!

Next we have a video that Eric found online years ago and just could not get out of his head, we will leave it for you to decide it's relevance to your own psyche. You can find an explanation of what you are experiencing at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatten_%C3%A4r_din

Hatten Ar Din

This is one of the coolest cartoons I have ever seen and it is still very timely. This cartoon co-created and voiced by Lenny Bruce is phenomenal!

Thank You Mask Man

This destination is the website of a non-profit organization we are involved with, as time and distance permits, that assists the people and wildlife of Kenya in many different ways. They are really making an impact and you should at very least go check out the excellent projects they are involved in and, if you can, maybe even throw them a few bucks! It will really help out the cause and will be well worth the good Karma that it will no doubt bring you.

Amara Conservation Ltd.

Amara Conservation Videos

Finally, for today anyways, we bring you video for one of Michigan's finest purveyors of high-energy, party, punk rock. Sadly, the band has been gone for some time now but having recently been reminded of their former greatness as they have erected these memorial videos (yes, I said erected) and as we are currently collaborating with a couple of the ex-members we thought you might like to check out the legacy that is: The Herb Tarlick Experience!

You Say We

Heavy Metal Mother-fucker

Until next time kids, have fun and remember, if you would not want your mother to know you did it - don't fucking tell her!

music and children's television, who would've thought?

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:41:02 -0600

There is nothing I can really say about this video but:

A. Goddamn!

B. Watch the little kid up at the top of the steps - this kid has to be in the music biz in some way or another...

Stevie Wonder - Superstition on Sesame Street

Now, check out something you would never expect to see on childrens programming:

The Melvins on Pancake Mountain

I don't think this next one is actually childrens programming but it is a band (guy) I like:

Mountain Goats - Zoop - Going To Georgia

This one has a sock puppet and is a great song:

Mountain Goats - Dance Music

Not sure mixing Daniel Johnston and children is a smart or safe thing to do but:

Daniel Johnston on Pancake Mountain

Finally, check out Rufus from Pancake Mountain doing a duet with Curt Kirkwood from Meat Puppets:

Curt Kirkwood (Meat Puppets) & Rufus - Backwater

pie anyone?

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:55:58 -0600

Taste That Famous Cherry Pie

The Recipe

8 inch Crust: 1-1/2 c. flour, 1/2 c. Crisco, 1/4 c. ice water
Mix flour and Crisco with fork. Add ice water. Mix with your hands. When blended, roll into ball and refrigerate overnight. To roll out: flour both rolling pin and flat surface, split ball in two, roll out 1/2 to fit pan and 1/2 for lattice.

Filling: 3 c. cherries (pitted, sour frozen); 1 c. water; 1c. Baker's sugar; 4 T. cornstarch; 1/8 t. salt
Thaw cherries at room temp and strain (yields 2 c. juice). Taste for sweetness, more/less sugar may be needed. Add 1 c. water to make 3 c. juice (reserve 1 c. juice for cornstarch mix). Dissolve cornstarch in 1 c. juice, stir with whip. Combine 2 c. juice, 2/3 c. sugar, salt, and bring to a boil. Add cornstarch mix, cook until clear, about 5 min. (if cooked to long, syrup gets gummy). Remove from heat, stir in 1/3 c. sugar (blend thoroughly). Pour mixture over cherries, fold with wooden spoon, cool (stir mix while cooling to prevent scum from forming on top). Pour mix in pie shell. Top completed pie with lattice crust.

Bake @ 425 degrees for 35-40 min.