So, lately, I have had to listen to Eric B. complain that he has finally reached that age where the celebrities of your youth are dropping right along with the people around you, the people you once knew and the people you wish you still did. As Mr. B is fond of pointing out, I am not a very sentimental chap, except perhaps when I think of historic juntas or particularly bloody police actions, however, I can still understand what it means to watch friends, loved ones and associates rejoin the dirt that makes us common. So I thought today, along with my usual socio-cultural observations, I might post one of the few things that, somehow, Eric B. and I share a common soft spot for, but first...
The 10 commandments of punk guitar
Along with Greg Hetson, Brian Baker (the two fellows on the far left of the picture above), compiled a list of 10 commandments of punk guitar. Although we (and probably you) do not agree with them all we found some to be true and some to be amusing so we figured we would share and let you make up your own mind. They are as follows:
1. Treat your guitar like shit and it will respect you.
2. To get that mean fuckin' low end and still retain some highs in your sound, use only Gibson guitars. SG's and Les Pauls are the ultimate punk rock tools.
3. Use only down-strokes, down-strokes are the key to unlocking all punk rhythms.
4. Plaster your guitars with stickers to prove that you're an individual. Remember, being uncool is cool, so one Van Halen is worth three Sex Pistols stickers.
5. The Marshall JMP 100-Watt master volume head is the Holy Grail of amps. Other people get all hot and bothered about what kind of speakers and cabinets they use, but that's all bullshit. You can plug the JMP into virtually anything and it's going to sound wonderful.
6. No open tunings. Grunge is not punk rock.
7. Don't be self-indulgent. Limit your guitar solos to eight bars or less. Otherwise, you're playing metal.
8. Never, ever play a show with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. It's incredibly painful when a stage diver pushes off your face and smashes the red-hot cherry into your cheek.
9. It may be punk to be fucked up at your day job, but when you take the stage you should be straight. It's hard to play music with intensity and speed when you're drunk.
10. Do not stack Marshall cabinets, that's not punk, it's arena rock. The Ramones are the only band exempted from this rule.
Of course, we don't need to tell you, it's punk to hate commandments and laws so fuck this crap anyway!
Next we have, for your comic amusement the infamous Negativland causes kids to murder their family newscast!
Negativland, one of our favorite purveyors of cultural commentary, invented some fake news about how a midwestern teen, apparently influenced by an argument over their song "Christianity Is Stupid", murdered his entire family. Well, as lazy journalists will do, a local bay-area news station picked up the story without bothering to check its validity which in turn caused a bit of a stir - kind of funny and also kind of scary when you think about it. Here, for your amusement, is that news cast...
Negativland - Helter Stupid Newscast
Now, somehow, this next video/track, also by Negativland, manages to touch both Eric B. and myself on an emotional level. Now, I don't need to tell you how much this troubles me but, it is what it is, as Eric says so we thought we might put it up to see if others got this as well or if it's just a case of two deeply disturbed individuals feeling something that just isn't there. The track come from the record "Dispepsi" so if you like it, check out the rest!
Negativland - Aluminum or Glass
Finally, to bring this installment to a very comic end we give you this video by German superstar recording artist, Heino. We don't know what the song is about and we don't know a ton about the man, however, since we first heard of him while listening to the Dead Kennedy's recording "A Skateboard Party", we have found this guy utterly, fascinating, repulsive, surreal and hypnotic. Notice the bizarre resemblance to Andy Warhol. Coincidence? We shall let you decide...
Well, that's it for this installment, imperialist lack...er...I mean friends, join us again soon when I will bring you more of the absurdities that is unpopular culture!
Lam Yam-Ying